The First Step Back

By Sara F
September 13, 2022

It has been four weeks and four days since I last picked up my Qur’an for revision.

I had stopped my weekly class due to the demands and business of moving a family of five (including a 10-month old) from the U.K to the U.A.E. It was just too chaotic for me to find the time to really revise the verses I had memorised, particularly becasue these were the ‘Ayaat Mutashaabihat’ (similar sounding verses) that I was already struggling with.

So, I went on a hiatus. I allowed myself to be deluded into thinking that I will be back on my revision and my regular schedule once we arrived in our new country. Lies.

In all the drama and stress that comes with relocating such as adjusting to the extreme weather change and time difference, securing suitable accomodation, establishing a new bedtime and naptime routine for the baby, getting the older kids into their new school, and all the other zillion little things that I had to do; I blinked and four weeks had passed.

Four weeks and not a single aya revised.

So when my hiatus finally ended and it was time for my class, it came as no surprise when I continuouly stumbled through my verses; frustrated and disappointed in myself. I had let too much time pass without establishing the connections that my soul needed. No wonder I had been feeling down, angry and emotionally unstable. And even though all I had to do was pick up my Qur’an and get back at it again, somehow it felt like such a heavy task. My heart was so far disconnected that instead of picking up my Quran, I found myself mindlessly scrolling through the news, youtube or instagram. A bad habit I thought had conquered over a year ago.

Four days after my class, Allah had mercy on me and for some reason I just decided; “you know what, instead of trying to revise or re-memorise these verses, I will just listen to them”.

And Subhaanallah, with just that single, seemingly-simple step, the floodgates just opened. Before I knew it, I had begun to recite along with Sheikh Minshawi and soon, I was revising and even testing my memory. By the time it was evening and I was reciting to my son (for him to test my memorisation), the verses that I was stumbling through a few hours ago, came out flowing like water out of a jug.. .

Subhaanallah. How merciful is Allah subhaanahu wa ta’ala.

I am sharing this experience because sometimes, that first step back to Allah might seem daunting or we might even feel too-far-gone; but that first step, no matter how difficult it might feel, could be the difference between life and death (for our hearts).

“I am as my servant thinks of me……….if he comes to me walking, I will go to him running”

Hadith Qudsi(Bukhari and Muslim)

And We have certainly made the Qur’an easy to remember, so is there any who will remember?

Surah Qamar Vs 17

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  1. Hafsat Abdullahi Bello says:

    Masha Allah

    1. 🤲🏾Allahuma Baarik 😘

  2. Alhamdulillaaah,

    I was just going to recommend listening to the suwar repeatedly even during the chaotic days. It sticks to the subconscious.

    May Allaah ease all our affairs.

    1. Indeed! Any effort made is better none. Jazakillah Khayr for commenting thanks sis x😘

  3. As salam alaykum warahmatullah wabarakatuh sis. It is so good to hear from you again..I have been looking forward to your post lol. Hope you are trying to settle in gradually… Barakallahu feeh. Na’am I can relate with this post Subhanallah. Whenever I go a day without studying the Quran. I always feel down and angry for no reason and to carry it ehn I will be feeling as if it is a house chore lol. One thing I do is I always look for Islamic lectures that will motivate and uplift me kind-of and drag me back to start thinking about the purpose of my existence… sometimes I will cry and do lots of istigfar. Then I will start studying. May Allah (SWT) continue to ease our affairs for us. (Amin)

    1. Wa alaykum Salam warahmatullah wabarakatuh 🤗 Na’am alhamdulillah nice to hear from you as well. Gradually we are settling sis…
      Same! I get cranky and unsettled. Truly in the remembrance of Allah for hearts find rest. Thanks for sharing this with me sis Jazakillah Khayr

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